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home about bio contact sean molly abigail title writing favorites favorite posts blogher creme de la creme mel’s friday blog round up my annual top ten posts lists poetry secondary infertility song lyrics favorite quotes local treasures projects & regular series blogher reviews & workshops collective bias® social fabric® shops gatekeeping reviews & giveaways secondary infertility stories spring shed team caring connection time warp tuesdays the today voice winter shed resources & links blogging blogroll adoption, loss & infertility blogs beverly blogs chicago area blogs mental health blogs other great blogs books congenital heart defects infertility & trying to conceive secondary infertility mental health & suicide prevention pregnancy & infant loss wish list for bereaved parents fit & healthy with coach kathy beachbody workout 7-day hybrid schedule cardio options core options lower body options plyo options recovery options total body resistance options upper body options subscribe bereaved and blessed the elephant in the room by kathy on august 1, 2018 · 0 comments in bereavement , communication , coping , decisions , dreams , family , friends , grief , healing , life , loss , love , memories , reality , relationships , sadness , social media , the past , time “ elephants never forget…” that’s what his dad said, after giving me a cute stuffed animal elephant (not the one pictured here), that he and his wife/my old friend’s mom found for me while boot (a.k.a. garage/rummage) sale shopping the previous weekend. i’d told them when we first met about how i’d been collecting elephants, mostly figurines, since i was a young girl. they managed to find/buy a similar stuffed elephant, at another boot sale, for their son/my old friend as well, so we’d each have one and suggested we name them after each other. that way, after i returned to the states, when my old friend looked at his and i looked at mine, we could think of each other. i had found a family as sappy and cheesy as me, if not more so, bearing gifts as thoughtful and cute as i’d given others throughout my life! my old friend told me at the airport, when he drove me there on my last day in england, that we’d have to reunite our matching stuffed elephants someday. spoiler alert: i don’t think i kept mine, at least i don’t know where it is today, if i did. which is surprising, considering what a sentimental pack rat i am, and bittersweet for me to think about now. i didn’t remember that story, along with many others, until i read through my journals this week, from that semester, when i lived and studied across the pond, during the spring of 1996, when i was a junior in college. my old friend’s parents seemed determined for me not to forget their son, whom i developed a fondness for, since we met the previous summer working together at a residential summer camp, here in the states. we continued to spend time together, and get know each other better, while i lived in london. i also visited his/their hometown of southampton, england, a few times and stayed with them, that semester. it’s bizarre 22 years later, to reflect on that time in my life, through the lens of a married 43-year-old, who is raising my own family, and has so much more life experience under my belt. i see so much now that wasn’t clear to me then. which is both painful and therapeutic. after spending the past week grieving and processing the news that my old friend died, four years ago at that, i’ve been trying to make sense of what all of this means for me now, as i remember our relationship then. bob has been extremely patient and supportive, discussing my feelings, my sadness, and the what ifs. as i told him last night, i can’t imagine how i’d behave if the shoe was on the other foot, but i doubt nearly as well. who talks about stuff like this with their spouse? who shares so openly their feelings for another man, who they cared so much for, before they got together with their husband? yes, in the end bob got me. we got each other. my old friend and i did not end up together. that doesn’t mean my husband of almost 18 years (and partner in crime for almost 22), hasn’t been frustrated at times watching, and listening to, me as i work through this loss from my past, knowing there was someone else that meant a lot to me, before our lives converged. “maybe if the kind of technology like we have today existed back then, such as facebook, things would’ve been different. it would’ve been easier to keep in touch,” i said. “i’m glad it didn’t exist,” he replied. at first i thought he meant because it would’ve been embarrassing to have access to something like facebook during our college days, as we might have posted things we’d later regret, after a night out drinking at the bars, as we’ve joked about in the past. but then i really digested what he said. and it hit me. if it had been easier for my old friend and i to keep in touch, bob and i might not have ended up together. it’s those little moments, that bring me back to the present, to this reality, not the alternate one i’ve allowed myself to entertain in recent days, as i grieve and make peace with my old friend’s death. it’s okay to feel sad and to imagine what could have been. it helps to remember the good times and why i cared so much about my old friend. at the same time, i know, and bob knows, who ended up together. this is the life we both chose. and i am grateful for who and where we are today. share this: email print facebook twitter linkedin pinterest google like this: like loading... { 0 comments } missed opportunity by kathy on july 30, 2018 · 0 comments in background , before i blogged , bereavement , cancer , coping , dreams , friends , gratitude , grief , journey , life , loss , love , memories , music , pain , peace , reality , relationships , sadness , signs , therapy , time , titanic , triggers i returned to therapy, after a few years off, in 2011. i was struggling with some difficult relationships in my life, as well as trying to make peace with the deaths of two loved ones, while also weighing the pros and cons of a big decision for our family. those were the objectives i laid out at our first session. i wanted my new therapist to help me address those three issues. and she did. after many meetings, discussing my feelings and working through how to cope with all of the things that were weighing me down, my therapist suggested a common thread, missed opportunity. my difficult relationships were missed opportunities for close, deeper and more genuine connections. the deaths of my loved ones were missed opportunities , as they were in their late twenties/mid thirties, to do more with their lives and for our relationships to grow. and i feared that the decision we were considering, for our family, could also lead to missed opportunities either way we went with it. over time, my therapist showed me how many of my emotional struggles and road blocks come when i am processing missed opportunities . when we experienced our first three early pregnancy losses. when our first three assisted reproductive technology cycles were not successful/didn’t lead to pregnancies. when our second child, our daughter molly, was born and died. when relationships in my life didn’t develop or play out as i hoped and imagined they could/would. when those i love and care about left this world too soon because of illness, accident or death by suicide. when, during the 2016 presidential election, hillary clinton, the candidate i believed in, worked to elect, and was so excited about leading our country, lost the electoral college and thus did not become our commander-in-chief. this week i am processing another missed opportunity , as i grieve the death of an old friend. it is compounded by the fact that he died, of brain cancer, almost four years ago, but i didn’t learn about that until last wednesday, when our 10th friendaversary came up in my facebook memories

URL analysis for bereavedandblessed.com

http://bereavedandblessed.com/2018/05/grace-and-possibilities/?share=email
http://bereavedandblessed.com/2018/05/grace-and-possibilities/?share=twitter
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http://bereavedandblessed.com/category/the-past/
http://bereavedandblessed.com/2018/05/grace-and-possibilities/?share=facebook
http://bereavedandblessed.com/category/reality/
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http://bereavedandblessed.com/fit-healthy-with-coach-kathy/beachbody-workout-7-day-hybrid-schedule/cardio-options/
http://bereavedandblessed.com/2018/08/the-elephant-in-the-room/
http://bereavedandblessed.com/2018/04/199-pages-of-care/?share=email
http://bereavedandblessed.com/projects-regular-series/winter-shed/
http://bereavedandblessed.com/favorites/favorite-posts/my-annual-top-ten-posts-lists/
http://bereavedandblessed.com/local-treasures/

Whois Information

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Domain Name: BEREAVEDANDBLESSED.COM
Registry Domain ID: 1699116209_DOMAIN_COM-VRSN
Registrar WHOIS Server: whois.launchpad.com
Registrar URL: http://www.launchpad.com
Updated Date: 2018-01-13T04:47:15Z
Creation Date: 2012-01-28T05:00:28Z
Registry Expiry Date: 2019-01-28T05:00:28Z
Registrar: Launchpad.com, Inc.
Registrar IANA ID: 955
Registrar Abuse Contact Email:
Registrar Abuse Contact Phone:
Domain Status: clientTransferProhibited https://icann.org/epp#clientTransferProhibited
Name Server: CNS449.HOSTGATOR.COM
Name Server: CNS450.HOSTGATOR.COM
DNSSEC: unsigned
URL of the ICANN Whois Inaccuracy Complaint Form: https://www.icann.org/wicf/
>>> Last update of whois database: 2018-09-16T13:16:21Z <<<

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  REGISTRAR Launchpad.com, Inc.

SERVERS

  SERVER com.whois-servers.net

  ARGS domain =bereavedandblessed.com

  PORT 43

  TYPE domain

DOMAIN

  NAME bereavedandblessed.com

  CHANGED 2018-01-13

  CREATED 2012-01-28

STATUS
clientTransferProhibited https://icann.org/epp#clientTransferProhibited

NSERVER

  CNS449.HOSTGATOR.COM 50.116.93.235

  CNS450.HOSTGATOR.COM 50.116.93.236

  REGISTERED yes

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